The Rashoujin Chronicles
by Karasuman
Summary: Watch as the boss of SS2 (along with other SNK cast) as they go through the quirky challenges of normal life...
1. And it begins

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The RASHOUJIN Chronicles

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. All characters from Samurai Showdown, Fatal Fury, Art of Fighting, and King of Fighters are owned by SNK. All Gundam characters are owned by Bandai. All company names, brands, characters, etc. belong to their respective owners, etcetera...

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Chapter I.

And It Begins

Saturday, April 2004. 8:30 PM.

A day... That will live in infamy.

Or perhaps not.

I just said that because it sounds cool.

...

...

...

Well, it DOES, damn it! Who cares if it's inappropriate!?

I can start this fanfic with, "A Long, Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far, Far Away" if I wanted to! It's my fanfiction! So it's not fitting towards a Samurai Showdown fanfiction, so what! At the time of this writing, there are barely any of them anyway! Wait... Where are you going? Don't leave! Please don't leave! PRETTY PLEASE!?!????

...

...

...

Please!?

...

...

... NOOOOOOOOOOO! THERE GOES WHATEVER FANBASE I COULD'VE GOTTEN! WHY AM I SUCH A HORRIBLE WRITER! ACCURSED FATE! I'M SO BAD AT THIS, I'M LAMENTING OVER IT IN MY OWN WORK! WHY AM I SUCH A VERITABLE SACK OF SUCKTITUDE! Nobody answer that, BUT SERIOUSLY, WHY CAN'T I EVER GET SOMEONE TO SO MUCH AS GLANCE AT MY WRITING?! WHY!!!!! WHY!!!!!!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY - [hack cough hack] - YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!????? Hey, wait a minute...

Oh crap... Someone was actually still reading!

Awesome, someone fell fo- I mean, someone is still interested! [shut up, I know that wasn't a good cover-up]

But anyways, back to the story we go. Before I lose any more people.

...

..

...

...

...Bring Bring.

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Bizuki: Gah!

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Bring bring.

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Bizuki: Wait a minute. "Bring Bring"? Just, "Bring Bring"?

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Whaaaa~~t? What's the problem?

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Bizuki: It doesn't sound very loud, does it?

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You want loud? **BRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGG!!!!!!! BRRIIIIIING BRIIIIINNNNGG!!!! BARRRIINNNNNG FREAKIN' BRIIIINNNNNNG!!!!**

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Bizuki: ARRRGHHHHHHH!

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Oh sh**. Ohhhhh sh**. I just knocked out the main cha- I mean, commercial, people!!!! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!

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****************DATING ADVICE WITH HEERO YUY

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Kid_: Dad, I need advice on asking a girl out._

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Heero_: I'll kill you._

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Kid_: Aren't you capable of saying anything else?_

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Heero_: Oh. Damn it, I thought you were Relena._

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Kid_: Seriously._

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Heero_: Just climb into her bedroom window, and serenade her with death threats._

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Kid_: ..._

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****************THIS HAS BEEN DATING ADVICE WITH HEERO YUY

**__**

This is a sample from Heero Yuy's "Dating Made Simple For Gundam-Piloting Dummies and Other Assorted Nincompoops". All the radio talk-show, T.V. talk-show, and video-cassette content spread out throughout the years, packed into one 149.99$ case. Dr. Yuy will show all YOU poor fools how to really impress the ladies.

"_Hi! With Dr. Yuy's help, I was able to actually not get on Rain's bad side- an Olympian feat, let me tell ya- Olympian, hehe, I'm smert... Well, anyway, Rain just likes me rough. And with Dr. Yuy's help, I'm GETTING SOME! YEAH! AND MAYBE I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT! AND- Oh, Rain... Hi. Meep. Please don't kill me._" - **Domon Kasshu**

"_HEERO, YOU BASTAGE! GIVE ME MY TEN BUCKS! Oh, and a service announcement- fangirls, PLEASE stop writing slash fics about us, yeah!???_" - **Duo Maxwell**

"_It didn't work! Your damn program didn't work! You asshole! You ***king son of a bi***!!!! LACUS, I WASN'T **LITERALLY** GOING TO 'INTRODUCE YOU TO THE RECEIVING END OF MY BUSTER RIFLE'!!!!! IT WAS A METAPHOR!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!_" - **Kira Yamato**

**__**

We now return you to your scheduled programming.

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Alrighty. Back to the story. And you thought we'd never actually start the damn fanfiction, didn't you? ... Don't answer that.

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Bizuki: Ugggh. My head. That is the last time I'm ever in a party with Tam Tam, Saisyu, the Ikari Warriors, Haohmaru, John Crawley (who the hell invited that guy?), and- waaaait a minute. What time is it? [checks clock]

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Dead silence.

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Bizuki: Hooooo crap. The meeting was supposed to start thirty minutes ago!!!

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Meet Bizuki. She's-

Why did you just interrupt me?

I misspelled the name?

What are you, some kind of grammar nazi?

What do you mean, I misspelled it eight times! I'll have you know, it was seven times. ... Shut up.

Look. There's a perfectly good reason for that.

I'll get to it.

Anyways, meet Bizuki. According to the Samurai Showdown 2 Storyline, Bizuki was a shrine maiden (miko) and an excellent dancer. Born in Oki, her dance had the ability to exorcise demons. As such, she went against an extremely powerful demon, but was defeated. She became the extremely evil Rashoujin Mizuki!!!!!! Boss of SS2!!! One of the more difficult bosses of SNK history, SS fans gave her props for being very unique, difficult, and most of all one of the first (maybe the first?) female bosses in fighting game history. She wields the stick of Mi-Gou, making use of the style known as "Genkon Jarei no Hou". Also an avid flute player- 

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Earthquake: One time, in band camp, I stuck a flute up my-

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I hate that joke. I hate it so much, you aren't appearing in here for a while, fatass.

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Earthquake: Aw, nutbunnies...!

After that moronic interlude, let us continue with this little rundown of Bizuki. Her known family is a father whom we know nothing about, other than he exists. She does own a dog who nobody will go near for some reason (might be the fact that it transforms into this huge hulking beast), and she likes snakes. Oddly enough, she's afraid of the dark. In fact, the cast had some trouble putting up with her when she had difficulty dealing with certain stages. For example, during the boss stage in SS2...

FLASHBACK! _Wee-ooo wee-ooo wee-ooo wee-ooo..._

...

...

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Bad sound effects. Deal with it.

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Bizuki: AAHHHHHH!!!!

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SNK Developer: What? What what?

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Bizuki: The lighting here is so... I can't work like this! It's so dark! Please, can't we do something about it!??

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SNK Developer: Look, we don't have time for this. Just-

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Bizuki: Aiiiiiieeeee!!!! What was that!!! Did you see that!??? Please tell me you saw that????

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Galford: Oh man... C'mon, Poppy, let's pack up and head to San Francisco. I don't want to deal with this any longer.

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Poppy: See you later, Haon. You egocentric bastard.

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Haon, Bizuki's Dog: Take care of yourself, Poppy. You base half-wit.

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Genjuro: **ck this. If we don't wrap this up soon, I'm leaving.

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Haohmaru: Shaddup, Genjuro. Nobody gives a crap about what you think.

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Genjuro: DIE, HAOHMARU!!!!!!! [they fight]

SNK Developer: You two! Can't you stop being at each other's throats for so much as a few seconds!?!???? And- [notices Bizuki cowering in a corner] Oh for Pete's sake... You're an adult! Get ahold of yourself! Everybody gets over being afraid of the dark by the age of 5! Well, except for Wyler.

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Wyler: Help me, daddy! [sucks thumb]

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Jin Chonrei: Why do you keep him around?

Freia: Do I ask you why you keep Chonshu around?

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Jin Chonrei: ... Point.

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Bizuki: No darkness! It's so eerie and... unknown and... you don't know what's going to... AHHHHHH!!!!!! I don't care if you have to cover the sky in an eerie blue swirl, it's too damn DARK here!!!! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!

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SNK Developer: Bizuki, you're brilliant...!!!

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Bizuki: Aiiiieeee! It's a rat! No, it's a ninja! No it's- waaaait... I am?

Ninja: Nuts! Foiled again!

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All's well that ends well. I thought the psychedelic feeling from the stage was cool, myself. In any case, she's a little on the shy side, despite being a public dancer and the secretary of the SNK-Playmore Company President. In fact, this probably contributes to why barely anybody really knows her. If they ever watched her dance, they'd remember the performance, but probably not the name of the performer. She is close to very few people. Among her heroes is the twice-tournament sponsor of the King of Fighters tournament, Chizuru Kagura- who, incidentally, is also her best friend. Hey, they're both Shintoist mediums...

Getting back to the point, Bizuki is basically forgotten except among hardcore Samurai Showdown fans. Hell, even her fellow cast members don't remember her.

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Bizuki: Charlotte! Hi! How is it in France?

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Charlotte: Ehm... Do I know you?

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Bizuki: ... Nevermind. [mutter grumble fume]

Bizuki is a good flute player-

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Bizuki: You already said that.

Oh, did I? Well, she was born in Oki-

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Bizuki: Said that, too-

Likes snakes-

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Bizuki: Again, you already said that-

Her height is ~166 CM-

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Bizuki: Oh, like that's real important, look! Let's just move on with the story-

Her sizes are eighty-eight and-

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Bizuki: [is very pissed] MOVING ON!!!

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Okay, okay. Geeze.

In any case, Bizuki hurries to get dressed. There's an important meeting at the SNK HQ, and she's going to be late for it. She probably already is...

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Haon, Bizuki's Dog (Just in case you forgot): I'll hold the fort for you when you come back.

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Bizuki: Hold the fort for me? From what, exactly?

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Haon: [thinks for a moment] Uh... Flesh-eating marrow-sucking man-sized gun-toting cockroaches that will threaten to take over the neighborhood by killing the men and implanting the women with their eggs of evil, hoping to take over the world starting with Japan? Even though they should probably begin conquest of the Earth with a country with greater economic stability?

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Bizuki: I'll hold you to it.

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Haon: Uh-huh. Ri~~~ght.

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In exactly 7 milliseconds after Bizuki leaves...

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Gun-Toting Cockroach: Hi. We're flesh-eating marrow-sucking man-sized gun-toting cockroaches that will threaten to take over the neighborhood by killing the men and implanting the women with our eggs of evil, hoping to take over the world starting with Japan. Even though we should probably begin conquest of the Earth with a country with greater economic stability.

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Haon: Oh, fornication...

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At SNK HQ...

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Incompetent Playmore Executive: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! With SNK Vs. Capcom Chaos, we shall rule the world!

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This particular corporate big-wig was the one who approved of the development of SNK Vs. Capcom Chaos. Of course, we all know how broken the game is, and how few people even bother to play it nowadays. In fact, the president of SNK himself isn't impressed at all, and wonders how this stinking piece of crap managed to get published without his knowing...

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Geese Howard: With unbalanced gameplay like that? As much as I appreciate being the strongest character in the game, that was ridiculous. I've never felt a step down like this since KoF 2000 to 2001...

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Incompetent Playmore Executive: But it has nifty characters like the Mars People and Zero... ;_;

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Geese Howard: Yup. Even though one sucks like hell and the other is a cheap son-of-a-***ch and isn't even an SNK chara... You know what, forget it. Get out of my office. Nifty, a game does not make.

Incompetent Playmore Executive: I THOUGHT IT WAS COOL! WAHHHHH!!!!!

God, did Geese hated Playmore.

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Geese Howard: Out of my office, you pathetic crybaby!

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Incompetent Playmore Executive: NOT UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE! WAHHHHH!!!!!!!

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Geese Howard: Billy!

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Incompetent Playmore Executive: Ut-oh.

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Billy Kane: DIYERIYERIYERIYERI~~~~... FIYAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

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Incompetent Playmore Executive: AHHHHHHH!!!!! I'M ON FIRE!!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!!

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Raiden: [dumps gas on him] Ichiban!

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Incompetent Playmore Executive: AIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

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Geese Howard: [shakes head, watching the mobile bonfire jump out a window] Wait a minute, isn't falling off high places my job? Whatever... These people... Geeze, at least the guys who did King of Fighters 2003 did a passable job. However... [says something not exactly pleasant about Duo Lon] And the ones who did Samurai Showdown V managed to make the gameplay balanced enough to be tournament worthy. But SVC? What a piece of crap! All this zoning and infinites and worthless **it. Some people aren't doing their job. I miss the old SNK. Damn, sometimes I wonder why I haven't sold out to Capcom already-

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Bizuki steps into the office.

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Bizuki: Hello, sir. What did I miss?

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Geese Howard: Oh, Bizuki.

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Geese Howard is a rough taskmaster, but he gets along with most of his workers, and remembers all of them. You can't run SNK, be an overlord of crime, and lord of Southtown without having a good memory, can't you?

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Geese Howard: What do you mean, 'What did I miss'? Other than the stupid fool outside-

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Bizuki: I saw it. Good job, Mr. Kane. Trogdor would be proud.

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Billy Kane: What? Who the bloody hell are you?

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Geese Howard: Billy, you dumbass! [smack!]

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Billy Kane: [rolls on the floor, whining and whimpering like a dog]

Bizuki: What I meant was, there's a company meeting, something like that...? Thirty min- [rechecks clock] fifty minutes ago? [voice trembles] You aren't docking my pay, are you?

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Geese Howard: Oh. Ohh, right... Well, it's got something to do with the new Samurai Showdown V/0 Special. And no, don't worry about your paycheck. *mumble*Mightgetbiggeractually*mumble*

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Bizuki: What was that, sir?

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Geese Howard: Never you mind.

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Bizuki: [shrug] If you say so. Wait, an SS0S? You mean they're actually making one? I guess Samurai Showdown 0 does need a few refinements. *cough*Yoshitora*cough*

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Yoshitora suddenly appears from out of nowhere. He seems a bit miffed.

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Yoshitora: I'm not unbalanced!

Duo Lon slinks out of the shadows.

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Duo Lon: Right. And I'm low-tier, you reckless pimp.

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Geese Howard: What the-! LITTLE PUNK BASTAGES! OUT OF MY OFFICE! _REPPU KEN_!!!!!

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Duo Lon and Yoshitora: **GWAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!**

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Bizuki: O_O

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Geese Howard: So anyways, yep. I've informed the rest of the SS cast. Haven't started the meeting, since someone was missing.

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Bizuki: I assume I'll be there taking notes for you and all that?

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Geese Howard: Actually, no.

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Bizuki: Huh?

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Geese Howard: Just be there!

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Bizuki steps out of the room and starts work, as usual taking up the boring work that is office life, taking calls and such. Although she was good at dealing with people, she found herself being annoyed by most of them. Here's one example of such a bothersome person.

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Bizuki: _Ring! Ring! _Hello. Mr. Howard's office. May I help you?

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Mr. Big: [attempts a falsetto] I'd like to speak to Geese Howard. We have some personal business to finish, yes....

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Bizuki: Mr. Big, is that you?

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Mr. Big: [normal voice] Sunuva...! Damn you, wench- 

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Bizuki: Hey!

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Ah, Mr. Big. Former master crimelord of Southtown. Now he's just one of the many guppies floundering in a pond of power owned by Geese Howard.

...

... My metaphors suck. Shoot me.

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Mr. Big: You tell Geese that he ruined me, and that me and my cohorts will be out to get him! Tell the smug rat bastard that if he wants to live, he won't leave the sanctity of-

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Geese Howard: Big, you bastard. I knew it was you holding up the lines.

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Mr. Big: G-G-Geese! 

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Geese Howard: Look, Big. If you don't stop calling me, I swear I will send Billy, Ripper, and Hopper to mop the floor with your carcass-

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Mr. Big: Click!

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Geese Howard: ........

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Bizuki: ......

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Mr. Big: ...............

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Bizuki: You just said, 'click'. Eat too many paint chips?

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Geese Howard: Don't feed the bald troll, Bizuki.

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Mr. Big: I'LL GET YOU, GEESE! I'LL GET YOUUUUUU!!!! SOMEDAYYYYY!!! [click!]

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And just a few minutes later...

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Bizuki: _Ring! Ring ring! _Hello! Mr. Howard's office! How may I help you?

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Amakusa: Oh ho ho ho ho! Put me in to Geese, lowly cretin!

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Bizuki: Ah, Shiro. 

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Now, if there was anything Bizuki hated, it was Amakusa Shiro Tokisada's laugh. God, it made her- I mean, him (stupid anime)- sound like an elderly woman. Not to mention the fact that he was such a fruity arrogant bastard.

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Amakusa: Ho? Who is this?

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Bizuki: [sigh] So which one? The bad one or the good one?

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Amakusa: What??

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Bizuki: Is your skin purple?

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Amakusa: Yes it is, but it has nothing to do with you, underling! Hohoho!

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Bizuki: Oh. In that case- how's being whipped by Ambrosia treating you?

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Amakusa: She's a stupid **tch, always overworking me! Taking over the world doesn't happen over-**cking-night, and... HEY!!!!! YOU ***ch!

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Bizuki: Hehehe.... Woke up on the wrong side of the bed? Or is it just the PMS talking?

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Amakusa: Let me speak to Geese NOW, or I'll make sure your body will never be found!!!!!

Bizuki: [rolls eyes] Mr. Howard, call on line 3.

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Geese Howard: [annoyed] Who is it?

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Amakusa: It is I, Amakusa Shiro Tokisada!

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Geese Howard: Uh-huh, okay. Just a question. How's being whipped by Ambrosia treating you?

Bizuki: [snicker]

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Amakusa: Don't start with me, Howard! Or I'll stick your head on a pike in front of my castle!

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Amakusa and Geese are not exactly on the best terms. This may be due to the fact that Geese likes to poke fun at Amakusa and the confusion about his sexuality (a habit he picked up from Bizuki), and the fact that Amakusa has not been in a Samurai Showdown game for the longest time.

Geese Howard: Whatever, Amakusa. Does this friendly chit-chat have a point?

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Amakusa: I have not been in any SNK game since... ... Since _1996_. 19-freaking-96. Do you know how much this infuriates me? Do you have an **INKLING** of how wrathful I am feeling as of now!? No, of course you don't. The fact that you appeared in Capcom Vs. SNK 2 disgusts me. How can you bow down to Capcom, you traitorous bastard!?

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Geese Howard: Idiot! May I remind you that Haohmaru, Rugal, Kyo, Iori, Ryo, and all those others also appeared in the game.

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Amakusa: Then you're all sell-outs! [sniffle]

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Geese Howard: You know what, screw this. I'm cancelling your invitation to the meeting. I always thought you were an asshat and a bit too fruity.

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Amakusa: I don't care about any goddamn meeting! I want an appearance, and you'll provide it! Or I send SNK HQ and Geese Tower straight to Makai!

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Geese Howard: I have no time for this. You're being cut from SS0S.

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Amakusa: You can take your SS0S and sho... Wait... What?

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Geese Howard: Bizuki, hang up.

Amakusa: NO! WAIT! ALL OF THAT WAS A JOKE! THE POWER OF AMBROSIA COMPELLED ME! I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS- [click!]

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Geese Howard: [takes a deep breath] That's better.

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Bizuki: You're really going to take Shiro out of SS0S?

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Geese Howard: Nope. But I am _really_ going to enjoy Amakusa begging at my feet for the part. I was thinking of making him the third boss with his seniority in the games and all, but that outburst just got him demoted to first, the pompous ass.

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Bizuki: Haha...

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A familiar man wearing blue jeans, a red jacket, and a red cap busts in through Geese's window. I'm pretty sure you all know who it is, and how redundant this timely event is. Regardless, it had to happen sooner or later, considering how commonplace it is.

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Geese Howard: Fu**. I really don't need this.

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Terry Bogard: GEESE-UU! _YOU KILLED MY FATHER! **PREPARE TO DIE!**_

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Geese Howard: Why must you continue to pull the Inigo Montoya schtick with me? Bizuki, consider yourself free for a few hours. Mingle with some friends, or something. If you hear the clash of two mortal gods above you, it's just me and this boneheaded moron fighting it out. And if you see someone falling off this floor, don't worry about it, only me _once again_ faking my death...

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Bizuki: Yessiree. [runs for the elevator]

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Geese Howard: Be back here in the afternoon. [stares down Terry] This can't get any worse.

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Geese's son, Rock Howard, breaks in through a wall.

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Rock: Geese!! YOU ABANDONED MY MOTHER!!!!!

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Geese's wife, Marie Heinlein Howard, busts in through the opposite wall.

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Marie: Geese!!! You owe me a whole lot of child support!

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Rock: Mom?!

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Marie: What? I got better.

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Geese: Marie!!! We've been through this!!!!! You're supposed to be receiving your payments through Yamaza-

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He is interrupted by Kain, who breaks in through the door.

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Kain: GEESE!!!! **_I_** OWN SOUTHTOWN, YOU BASTARD!!!!!!

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Grant: [cracks knuckles]

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Geese slaps his forehead.

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Geese: Maybe I should've asked Bizuki to stay and help me...

...

....

End of Chapter 1.

Author's Note: And thus, the end of Chapter 1 comes about. This is my second ever fanfiction about ANYTHING, so please bear with me. I got the whole idea of this fanfiction from something I read about what Mizuki would be like in the present-day world- a secretary for a company president. I hope it wasn't too bad. Any constructive criticism is certainly appreciated!

...

...

...


	2. Bizuki has some fun, No, not that kind

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The RASHOUJIN Chronicles

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. All characters from Samurai Showdown, Fatal Fury, Art of Fighting, and King of Fighters are owned by SNK. All company names, brands, characters, etc. belong to their respective owners, etcetera...

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ANOTHER DISCLAIMER:_PLEASE BE KIND ENOUGH TO POST REVIEWS FOR EACH CHAPTER, THOSE OF YOU WHO SO MUCH AS SNEAK A PEEK AT THESE! ... Please?_

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Chapter II.

Bizuki Has Some Fun... No, not that kind of fun you dirty fool

,,,

,,,

,,,

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AND NOW, A SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!

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Because of many good friends, several typoes and other details have been brought to my attention.

For instance...

"God, did Geese hated Playmore."

I apologize for this mistake. It shall therefore be changed to...

"God, did Geese hate Playmore."

My life is more significant now! (just kidding, Zeph- though it really is significant, at least I hope so)

And another mistake. 8:30 PM. Now, I bet all of you are wondering-

Holy DAMN, Bizuki overslept!

My bad. That's supposed to be 8:30 **AM**. Mind you, I was writing the first chapter at 2:00 AM myself, so cut me some slack!!!

And it seems that someone else said that it lacked most of the basics except a gratuitous shower scene.

...

...

...

...

You're absolutely right! We DO need a gratuitous shower scene! ALL good fanfictions have such a part in them. We have to satisfy the 'red-blooded male anime-lover' audience, after all. Considering how much of them consist of the anime population overall...

So here it is!

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????: [water splashes down body] Hmm hmdoo... [begins singing] You spin me right round baby, right round, like a record baby, right round round round...

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Waitaminute...... What the!???

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Gen-An: Oh, what's this?? [bathroom door slides out of the way] Visitors! [giggles like a schoolgirl] I never get visitors-

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DEAR GOD!!!!!!!! MY..... HEART... [thud] GO... TO COMMERCIAL......!

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****************DATING ADVICE WITH HEERO YUY

Kid: Dad, I'm lost.

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Heero: I've been lost ever since the day I was born.

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Kid: Sunuva... I don't have time for this!

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Heero: Sorry.

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Kid: So anyway, what's a mistake you should never do involving women? So far, I'm hopeless at figuring all of this out.

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Heero: Then I'll just give you one piece of advice... Dying hurts like hell.

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Kid: DAD!!!!!!

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Heero: Okay, I get the point... Here's one good piece of advice I'm sure you'll heed. Remember that when calling your date, you make sure that you're actually calling your DATE, and not someone else...

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FLASHBACK! Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo...

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Amuro: Another fun night with Sayla. This time, let's go for Italian... And after that... Hahaha... Lessee, phone numbers. Aznable, Aznable, Aznable... Ah, there.

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Char: [bring! bring!] ... [grumble] This late at night!? [picks up the phone]

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Amuro: Hey, baby. Let's not go for French tonight, I've heard of this 'Medici's', really great place for pasta. Afterwards, how about we go to Motel 6 and do the horizontal dance?

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Char: ...

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Amuro: ... ... Sayla? Artesia babe??

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Char: !!!!!!!!!!!!

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Amuro: Sayla, girl, what did I do now? Why you gotta give me the silent treatment like this, babe?

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Char: _!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _[**CLICK!**]

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Amuro: What did I do wrong? Why won't she speak to me!?

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Sazabi breaks in through the wall with a mighty punch! It's pilot immediately roars,

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Char: **_AMUROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!_**

Amuro: O_O!!!!! [takes another look at phone number] [sees "Aznable, Char" and not "Aznable, Artesia"] **OHHHH** **CRAP!!**

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End FLASHBACK! Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo...

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Heero: Now remember, you clueless nincompoops. If you accidentally call the brother, there are no survivors.

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Kid: _

**__**

****************THIS HAS BEEN DATING ADVICE WITH HEERO YUY

We now return you to your scheduled programming.

The Rashoujin Chronicles management apologize for the scene before this little interlude. We asked those in question simply to get a camera crew to the Shiranui residence, pronto. Unfortunately, they went to Gen-An Shiranui, not Mai Shiranui. Again, we apologize. The ones who had made this mistake are being punished as we speak.

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Employee: Forced to watch Tomb Raider forever!???? **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!**

__

Anyways, back to the story!

We return to Bizuki, who is in a lounge and ordering those really cheap gourmet cookies Yuck, how can you like those? 

****

Bizuki: Hey, people's preferences don't revolve around your own.

__

Point taken.

Anyways, the lounge is pretty much empty, as most people are working. The only people here are slackers hanging around the water cooler. Notably, a few hired guards that aren't doing their job.

****

Shen Woo: Hey hey, check that chick out. I've never seen her before.

****

Genjuro: [sniff sniff] Dude... You uhh... uhhh... Don't-uh.... Wanna hang around her yeah..

****

Shen Woo: Dude! You gotta stop the drug addiction man! That's gonna screw you up!

****

Genjuro: Don't care... Must kill... Haohmaru... Haohmaruuuu!!!! [collapses]

__

Yeah, it says in his bio that Genjuro is at peace when he's using "prohibited medicines", AKA drugs.

****

Bizuki: Kibagami! Is he alright...???

****

Genjuro: HAOHMARU!!!!! [thrashes in his sleep] Zzzz.... Damn it, old man Nicotine...... I love my Pookie bear...!!!!

****

Bizuki: O_o

****

Shen Woo: Hey baby, what's up?

****

Bizuki: Not another one of you punks!

****

Shen Woo: Hey, give me a chance! I'm not like those other guys! I could be just the man you're... you're... o_o ....

__

If there was anything that turned Shen Woo on, it was a woman in a secretary's outfit- that is, blouse, skirt, everything... Which is what Bizuki wore at the moment. Thus, the things going through Shen's mind mostly consisted of things like "[wolf whistle]", "That's a fiiiiine arse", and "I'm hungry. Someone make me a sammich!" Needless to say, this did not impress Bizuki.

****

Bizuki: Quit leering at me.

****

Shen Woo: o_o .....

****

Bizuki: I hate having to do this.

__

And in the next moment...

****

Gaira: WHOAAAA!!!! [room shakes] What's going on up there!??????

****

Wan-Fu: Worry not! It's close to Geese's office, so it's probably the clash of two mortal gods.

****

Gaira: In that case... [starts praying for life while holding beads close]

__

Good guess, Wan-Fu.

****

Wan-Fu: Why thank you.

__

You're not supposed to respond stupid!!!!!

****

Wan-Fu: Fo shizzle? My bad.

__

Hearing that from a monk... Sweet baby Jesus, that was wrong...

Anyway, Bizuki simply unleashed her infamous "pinball" attack, where she throws some sort of black energy sphere at her opponent. If it connects with the opponent, they're going to bounce around the screen about eight times (and cause nifty explosions while they're at it)... However, this is a variation of that attack. Instead, Bizuki has transformed the whole room into an enormous pseudo-pinball table! Shen Woo as the pinball, Bizuki in control of two giant flippers, and every breakable object in the lounge, a potential for points and score! The arm-wrestling theme from Fatal Fury 1 starts playing...

****

Shen Woo: AARRGHHHH! [hits a sofa, 10,000 points] GWAHHHH! HWAAAA!!!! [slams into a plant, 20,000 points] AHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOO! GAHHHHHHHHH! [bounces off a cabinet, 50,000 points] NYARGHHH!!! OOF!!!!... Kill me now...

****

Bizuki: Oops... I hope I didn't cause too much of a ruckus. 

__

A screen flashes, saying "NEW HIGH SCORE! A WINNER IS YOU!"

****

Bizuki: [thinks about it] Lessee. The whole building shook under the fury of my pinball wrath... I'm probably in trouble. [thinks again] Nahhh!, they'll say it was the clash of two mortal gods. [leaves]

****

Shen Woo: Ohwoohh... [lies in a messy heap]

__

Back to Gaira.

****

Gaira: My life is too short to determine my karma!!!!

****

Wan-Fu: [shakes head] I suppose working this close from the top for the first time will scare you.

****

Nicotine: Fo shizzle...

__

Dear God! Moving on!

Shoot to Geese Howard, trying to fight off all five of his assailants. Or rather, busy trying not get killed by them.

****

Terry: POWER... GEYSER!!!!

****

Geese: YEOWCH!

****

Rock: RAGING-UU... STORM!!!!!!!!!

****

Geese: URRGH!

****

Marie: Something something attack!

****

Geese: GWAAAHHHHHHUHH? What?

****

Marie: It's not that I don't know any martial arts- it's that there's not enough special effects budget for me.

****

Geese: Oh. In that ca-

****

Grant: MAJIN HATEN DAN!!!!

****

Geese: AAHHHHH!!!

****

Kain: HIMMLISCHE SEELE!!!!!!

__

This time, Geese is sent flying out the window.

****

Terry: Yes! I defeated Geese!

****

Rock: DAMN you, Terry! **I **was supposed to kill Geese!

****

Kain: Does anybody here actually believe he's dead? And does anyone here realize that I dealt the finishing blow?

****

Grant: You shouldn't have said that.

****

Marie: NOOOO!!!! [wails] GEESE!!!!!! KAIN, YOU BASTARD!!!

__

Marie starts kicking the crap out of Kain. Grant thinks better of trying to hold down this woman's scorn.

Back to Bizuki.

****

Bizuki: Whoa... What happened to R&D? Hey, what's that? Giant and red...! O_O!!!!

__

Bizuki peers at the scene around her. The floor, which consisted of a whole lab, had been destroyed. A group of people began running in her direction.

****

Developer: RUN AWAY!!!! KUSAREGEDO'S ON THE LOOSE AGAIN!!!!!!

****

Kusaregedo: _IDADAGIMAZU...!_

Bizuki held the elevator for the Devs (after all, SNK can't work without the Devs). Most of them made it before Kusaregedo could eat them. Of course, for those that didn't make it, let Gedo reiterate.

****

Kusaregedo: IDADAGIMAZU.

__

A moment later...

****

Developer: Thank you! Thank you soooo much...!

****

Bizuki: No prob. Just think of me during the SSVS development process, hm? Ha, I'm just kidding.

****

Developer: [blinks] Y'know, the boss gets pissed off if non-SNK-cast employees ask for a cameo...

****

Bizuki: Oy, vey. Do you even know who I am?

****

Developer: Not a clue. You look like you work in accounting- you know, we hate people that work in accounting.

****

Bizuki: Is this the thanks I get? I mean, being the boss of Samurai Showdown 2 has to count for something...

__

Hell, Bizuki is supposed to be the last boss chronologically in the Samurai Showdown STORY! She gets no love. ;_;

****

Developer: Huh? Who are you? Samurai Showdown? Uhh... We just stuck in Shiki and Genjuro because they looked cool. The first one's sexy, and the other's a stoner!

****

Bizuki: Okay, I'll admit, that last one probably appeals to the new generation with their drinking, driving, partying, and drugs... But that first one... Does Yuda know you think that?

****

Developer: Who's Yuda?

__

Somewhere else...

****

Yuda: Achoo! 

****

Shiki: What is it?

****

Yuda: Someone's talking about me. Hey, that's a good thing! The SS64 series get no love. ;_;

__

Back to Bizuki.

****

Bizuki: Wait a minute. There's only one group of devs who could be this clueless.

****

Developer: We aren't clueless, damn you! Hell, I don't care if you're from Samurai Showdown, because I don't CARE about Samurai Showdown! I only took this job because it was better than flipping burgers! So we just stuck things together! So what if most of the Capcom cast was Street Fighter? Who cares if the only people who got new sprites were Earthquake and Shiki on the SNK side!!!?? IT WAS STILL NIFTY!!!!!!

****

Bizuki: I know you now! Ha! I knew it! The people who did SNK Vs. Capcom Chaos! Wait, did you just say you don't care about Samurai Showdown? You, one of our own developers? _Samurai Showdown_... _Not care_..?

****

Developer: Err... I didn't mean that...

****

Bizuki: SON-OF-A-BLASPHEMING-..!!!!!!

__

Returning to the R&D floor... The elevator door opens to reveal a group of beaten, battered, and incapable developers groaning and moaning-

****

Kusaregedo: IDADAGIMAZU!

__

Which quickly turns to screams as the elevator door barely closes, right before Gedo can eat any of them.

****

Bizuki: Repeat after me. I will never diss Samurai Showdown again.

****

Developer: [moans in pain]

****

Bizuki: Good! ^_^

**__**

We interrupt you with this special announcement.

Amakusa: The power of Ambrosia compels you to purchase... Amakusa plushies! [holds up a plushie whose tag says, "MADE BY Saramia Crafts (TM), "1% Polyester, 1% Evil, 98% Whipped"] Hey, wait a minute! 

**__**

We now return you to your scheduled programming.

Bizuki steps into this floor. It has the odd aroma of a field of flowers about it, not to mention that the rooms look overly green.

****

Bizuki: Hey, this place looks relatively normal, for once.

****

Rimururu: AIIIEEE!!!! AMBROSIAAA!!!!!!!

****

Bizuki: Crap, the SNK Green Party/PETA Branch floor!

__

Sure, Bizuki was no longer a host of Ambrosia. However, defenders of nature are usually insane so, so they can't differentiate between people who are possessed by ...

Oh, that's not the question you were asking? Oh, the question is, "What the hell? What's PETA doing there???!"

Simple. Like Scruff Mcgruff (Chicago Illinois, 60652) and Smoky the Bear, they're **everywhere**, and they **know** when you're doing something bad... **FEAR...**

Bizuki: Now, look here...

****

Nakoruru: Demons are about!

****

Tam-Tam: Me Tam Tam. Am God's warrior. You go down like misplaced castle on unbalanced cliff, yes.

****

Bizuki: Was that a Merlin reference?

****

Tam-Tam: [hides tape] Tam Tam not know what you talking about.

__

Nakoruru's falcon flew right next to Bizuki. Mamahaha was on good terms with Haon, and as such...

****

Bizuki: Little help here?

****

Mamahaha: Wait, Nakoruru! It's Bizuki, she's just a-

****

Nakoruru: DEMON!!!

****

Galford: Demon? It's an enemy of justice! And anyone who's an enemy of justice, is my enemy! Right, Poppy!

__

Galford's trademark dog appears. He shakes his head. He too, knows Haon (though it's more like a love-hate thing). Classic rival thing. Hey, if they're man's best friend, they can most certainly imitate their habits. Thus, he's good friends with Bizuki as well.

****

Poppy: Galford, Galford... Don't you even recognize-

****

Galford: POPPY, NOOOO!!!! The power of Ambrosia has compelled you!!!!! Now you've joined Ambrosia's side!!!!! Can no-one resist the power of Amakusa's plushies!?

****

Bizuki: I'm not possessed by Ambrosia, damn it-

****

Galford:_POPPY, THINK OF THE PUPPIES-_

****

Poppy: **GALFORD-**

Galford: **_DON'T WORRY, POPPY! FOR JUSTICE, I'LL RESCUE YOU!_**

Poppy: Sunuva...

****

Nakoruru: ATTACK!!!!

****

Rera: This is more like it.

****

Mamahaha: You don't want to fight all of them at the same time, Bizuki.

****

Bizuki: Ha! I'm an SNK boss!

__

Rugal, Krauser, Igniz, Zero, Zankuro, Mukai, Goenitz, Krizalid, Orochi and the Heavenly Kings, and other SNK bosses suddenly appear onscreen.

****

SNK Villains: BOOYEAH!

****

Poppy: Take another look.

__

Nakoruru and her sister Rimururu, Tam Tam and Cham Cham, Rera riding her wolf, and the American wonder-ninja Galford charge Bizuki. All of them are backed by hordes upon hordes of angry PETA supporters wielding large wooden signs, concussion grenades, RPGs, and a mob classic- the AK-47. 

****

SNK Villains: You're on your own. NINJA VANISH! [poof!]

__

The Shintoist secretary takes one look at this scene, and just sweatdrops.

****

Bizuki: Oh, why me.

****

Poppy: Think of something quick!

****

Mamahama: All this possible carnage makes me hungry.

****

Bizuki: That's it!

__

With one swipe of the Mi-Gou, Bizuki causes the ceiling to collapse.

****

Galford: Foul demon! You not only destroy nature, but damage private property! For that, you must pay the paxultimate-

****

Poppy: _Penultimate-_

****

Galford: Penultimate pri-

__

Kusaregedo lands with a crash on the floor, which causes the PETA forces to back away. He licks his lips, and some people shudder at this.

****

Kusaregedo: IDADAGIMAZU!

****

Galford: SWEET GOODLY-OODLY MOTHER OF JESUS!!!! 

****

Bizuki: "Goodly-oodly"? How do you deal with this?

****

Poppy: I don't know him anymore.

****

Tam Tam: WHAT IS THAT!?!???

****

Rera: Just another thing for me to kill, of course.

****

Nakoruru: ANOTHER DEMON! ATTACK!!!!!

__

Meanwhile, Poppy, Mamahaha, and Bizuki slip back into the elevator quietly. And some floors beneath them, listening as the battle rages between the enormous demon and the PETA forces...

****

Gaira: You're telling me to ignore THIS!???

****

Wan-Fu: Stop bawling! It's nothing when I say it's nothing!

****

Gaira: You know what, I- hey, what's that?

****

Geese: **_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-_**

Geese, for a split second, is seen flying down from the window.

****

Geese: **_-HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

Gaira: [blinks]

****

Wan-Fu: [blinks]

__

Both kneel immediately and begin praying.

****

Nicotine: Such dreadful subject matter.

****

Kuroko: Fo shizzle.

__

GOD, no!! Not the referee, too!

Back to Bizuki...

****

Bizuki: How're you guys doing?

****

Mamahaha: Nakoruru's as fanatical as usual. As you could probably see...

****

Poppy: Galford hasn't changed from being a knucklehead. Oh, and you and Haon?

****

Bizuki: Same old, same old. Haon doesn't have much to keep him busy, nowadays.

__

At Bizuki's neighborhood...

****

Haon: Take this! And that! And this and that!

****

Gun-toting Cockroach: Use your rayguns!!!! Let's neuter this bastage!

****

Haon: YOU USED THE **_N_**-WORD! I'LL CRUSH YOU ALL!!!! BIZUKI-SAMAAAAA!!!!

...

...

...

...

...

End of Chap-

****

Bizuki: You forgot something.

__

I did?

****

Bizuki: The mandatory "evil bad-guy" scene where we catch a glimpse of them brooding and a foreboding of what's to come, of course.

__

Oh yeah. In that case... Teleport to the evil bad-guy!

Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo...

Lightning strikes around this rather tall building. Lightning strikes in several places around it, but not actually at it. I suppose one could wonder whether this was a lucky coincidence or something else... But something more sinister defended it... And that was...

SUBTLE CONTROL OVER ATMOSPHERE, THE WEATHER, AND NEED-TO-LOOK-COOLNESS!

Anyways, there's nothing (well, nothing exactly legible)_ on the building which bears the name of it's owner..._

A man wearing blue and white approaches another man in a black cloak, whose features are almost completely hidden under it.

****

?????: I_BRING_TIDINGS_MASTER. YUKI_ENTERPRISE'S_PRODUCERS_APPROACH_SNK_HQ.

****

That Other ?????: Excellent. Prepare Phase 1. We will finally squash these has-been gnats! HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - [cough cough hack] -HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - [hack! hack! cough!] -HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA [**cough**! **cough**! **dying**!] -

****

?????: MASTER_YOUR_HEALTH_HAS_A_67%_CHANCE_OF_FAILING. PLEASE_STOP_BEFORE_YOU_DIE.

****

That Other ?????: What do you, HAHA, know, HAHAHAHA? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HA! HAHA! Ha.... I'm done. [collapses]

__

The shadow of a woman appears in the shadows.

... I'll try that again- The OUTLINE of a woman appears in the shadows. She hoists up a guitar and plays a few notes.

****

The Third ?????: There he goes again...

__

Will Bizuki ever find a place that isn't out to get her!?? Will Haon successfully fight off the evil invading cockroaches??? Will Nakoruru, Galford, and the rest of PETA fight off Gedo, or will the demon have them for lunch!??? Will Amakusa stop being a wuss????

****

Amakusa: Hey!

__

WILL GEESE SURVIVE (pshaw)??? ARE GAIRA AND THE OTHERS ALL THAT SIGNIFICANT!? WILL WE HAVE ANOTHER EPISODE OF DR. YUY, EVEN THOUGH THAT HAS **NOTHING** TO DO WITH SAMURAI SHOWDOWN!??? FOR THAT MATTER, WILL WE HAVE ANOTHER EPISODE OF RASHOUJIN CHRONICLES!!???? TUNE IN NEXT TIME, FOR CHAPTER 3!!!

...

...

...

...

End of Chapter 2.

**__**

Author's Note: [spins around on chair] Wheeeeee!!! Please review, people!

...

...


	3. Bizuki and the many flashbacks and comme...

****

The RASHOUJIN Chronicles

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. All characters from Samurai Showdown, Fatal Fury, Art of Fighting, and King of Fighters are owned by SNK. All company names, brands, characters, etc. belong to their respective owners, etcetera..

.

****

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER:_FOR EACH CHAPTER, PLEASE PUT A REVIEW!!!! I PREFER CRITIQUE ON PIECE THAT I WRITE... Please?_

****

Chapter III.

Bizuki and the many flashbacks and commercials

...

...

...

...

__

Before we begin this episode of Rashoujin Chronicles, here's a word from our sponsors.

****

PRESENTING... TOHOUFUHAI, THE GREAT MASTER ASIA!

DOING...

THE CAN-CAN!

IN A RUSSIAN MILITARY OUTFIT!

Tohoufuhai: [does the Can-Can in a Russian Military Outfit]

****

Domon: Gahahahahaha!

****

Tohoufuhai: Laugh now, Mr. Can't Take Down a Mobile Suit Without a Mobile Suit.

****

Domon: Oh, I'm laughing, Mr. Wearing Victoria's Secret Under a Fur Skirt!

__

Flashback! Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo...

****

Drunk Domon: [snorts derisively] Betchoo dat guyzz a gurrl!!!

****

Drunk Tohoufuhai: No way... Yah could light a canderr on dat azz...! Hey hawt stuff! How'zz it going?? [snort!]

****

Ash Crimson: ... It's the fingernails, isn't it...

__

Back to the present! Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo...

****

Tohoufuhai: I hate losing bets!!

**__**

PEOPLE WERE BLOWN AWAY BY "Tohoufuhai'"! LITERALLY!

Laurence Blood is watching the tape, which has been (intentionally) mislabelled as a "Matador Bullfighting 101" tape. Poor man doesn't know what's coming.

****

Laurence: URGH! [literally blown away, making a crater in the wall] Strong... _Too strong_...!

__

Geese Howard is watching the tape, falling for the same trick except that the tape has been mislabelled as "Hakkyokuseiken Techniques 101". A minute after Geese has switched on the VCR, the camera pans out to a view of Geese Tower from a distance. Something is seen falling off it from the highest floor.

Zeon soldiers are also viewing the tape, again being caught in the same snare. This time the tape has been labelled as "Kycibilia Zabi Gone Wild (with a number barely identified as 101 crossed out)". A few seconds later, someone yells, "**IT'S A GUNDAM**"_ and the barracks they're in explodes._

****

Order "Touhoufuhai Gone Wild" now! For five payments of $6.99! It'll either be a barrel of laughs, or a good way of covertly eilminating political opponents!

Communist: Da.

**__**

Send all payments to SVC (That's SNK, Value, Convenience you bastages), NESTS HQ, P.O. Box 43373-17-834-7825!

Igniz: Aren't I brilliant! That says, "Geese is teh suck!"

****

Original Zero: I'm beginning to wonder why I joined NESTS. Oh yeah, that's right- I was hammered that day...

__

No flashbacks this time, folks. NESTS is too poor to pay for it.

****

Igniz: Why must you make NESTS a house of LIES~!?

**__**

We now return you to your scheduled programming.

Back to Bizuki, who, although having so far enjoyed her adventure in SNK HQ, wonders if she's going to tire herself too much for the upcoming meeting. It is 11:40 AM or so.

****

Bizuki: Don't you guys feel a bit guilty having left your owners?

****

Mamahaha: Nakoruru's part of PETA. She can handle anything.

****

Poppy: Galford's too stupid to die. You know... Where are you going, anyway? It looks to me that we just keep stopping at floors one at a time.

****

Bizuki: Geese gave me some hours of leisure. He's busy upstairs.

****

Poppy: Terry Bogard and his typical "You Killed my Father" crap?

****

Bizuki: That would be it.

****

Poppy: But that doesn't really answer my question: Where are you headed?

****

Bizuki: I'm just trying to find a place where I can rest my head now...

****

Mamahaha: Odd. You haven't tried the SNK Boss lounge?

****

Bizuki: The what!?

****

Mamahaha: The place where all the bosses hang out to catch lunch...?

****

Bizuki: Not ringing a bell here.

****

Mamahaha: How could you not know? ALL SNK Bosses go there!

****

Poppy: This is a touchy subject for Bizu-

****

Bizuki: Why does nobody tell me ANYTHING!??? WHY!!????? **_WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP FORGETTING ABOUT ME????!!!!_**

Poppy: Here it comes.

****

Mamahaha: Ehm...

****

Bizuki: I wasn't invited to the Kusanagi party of '98 when they released the most balanced King of Fighters of all time, and I wasn't invited to the Easter Party last year so I missed out on the egg-hunting. No one bothered to tell me about the Halloween Party in 2001, and I had a Kagami Shinnosuke costume with a sword that shoots orange flames and everything!!!! _GET THAT!!!! **ORANGE FLAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_ **_AND AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY, YOU WANNA KNOW THE ONLY THING I GOT!???? A "YOU'RE #1" MUG WITH A PICTURE OF BONUS-KUN ON IT FROM GEESE HOWARD, WHOM I'VE SERVED AS SECRETARY FOR SINCE 1994!!!!!! A MUG WITH A PUNCHING BAG!!!!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!! [sob sob sob!]_**

Poppy: Now, look what you did.

****

Mamahaha: Oh geeze, Bizuki, I didn't know...

****

Bizuki: [sob! sob!]

****

Mamahaha: Oh man. Why come you didn't tell me about this?

****

Poppy: I thought it would've been obvious...

****

Bizuki: [sob**! **sob**!**]

****

Poppy: Crap, sorry.

**__**

We interrupt Bizuki's snivelling-

Bizuki: _Pinball attack!_

****

With this scheduled programming with these messages from our sponsors!!! HIT THE DECK!!!!

An old classic from SVC (SNK, Value, Convenience, damn it), is Gaira's "I'LL BUTCH YOU UP" tapes!

On-screen appears Gaira from Samurai Showdown, in a gym. He points dramatically at the viewer.

****

Gaira: You look really weak!

__

He then stretches his massive arms.

****

Gaira: Come! I'll butch you up!

__

All of a sudden, the Neo-Geo CD version of Yuri's Art of Fighting 2 theme, "Yuri's Diet", begins playing- and Gaira begins exercising to it!

****

Gaira: One! Two! One! Two-

****

High-Pitched Female Voice: _Up! Down! Up! Down! Up! Down! Up! Down! Hey~~! Let's diet!_

****

Nicotine: Oh dear. [gets the excommunication papers]

****

Kuroko: Fo shiz-

**__**

STOP IT!!!!

Kuroko: I was joking...

**__**

We now return you to your scheduled programming.

Mamahaha: Look, Bizuki, we meant nothing by it. We're sorry you had to go through some awful memories.

****

Bizuki: [sniffle] It's okay...

****

Poppy: If it's alright, I'll input the floor number where it is. It's actually awfully far from Geese's office...

****

Mamahaha: Still, a mug? That's harsh.

****

Poppy: Drop it!

****

Bizuki: No, it's okay... I know...

__

Flashback! Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo...

****

Geese: A mug for Amakusa (stupid fruity bastard) and a vacation to Maui and for my best secretary.

****

Billy: Ya had more than one, boss?

****

Geese: I hired Vice and Mature before Rugal did, you know. They were in my tenure before you came around.

****

Billy: Those bloody psycho Orochi wenches?? Are you serious!??

****

Geese: Eeeyup. I paid them zilch after they tried to sexually harass me.

****

Billy: They did wot!?

****

Geese: No, not really. They TRIED, but the first time I hired them was also the first time someone fell off Geese Tower... That wasn't me. Hehehe!

__

Later that day...

****

Hokutomaru: [sneaks into the office] They call me ninja! I am a ninja! I am a yadda-dadda-ladda-dadda-ninja! Wahoo! Lessee, my client told me to switch Amakusa's Christmas gift with something else... Oh, a vacation to Maui!

__

Back to the present...

****

Bizuki: Why do I feel the sudden urge to go kill ninjas?

****

Poppy: If you mean Galford, suppress that urge. [ding!] And we're here.

The minute the elevator opens, Shingo Yabuki jumps out at them!

****

Shingo: Ja-ja-ja!!!

****

Bizuki: EEEK!

****

Shingo: Kono ichiban deshi no Shingo ga aittetsu! (I, Kyo's best student, challenge you!)

****

Bizuki: Err. No thanks.

****

Shingo: Haha! I'm just kiddin'. Come in, come in!

****

Bizuki: What the... [blinks] Am I really in the boss lounge?

****

Poppy: This is the floor, alright.

****

Mamahaha: Then why's Shingo-freakin'-Yabuki here?

****

Shingo: Ha! I was a side boss in KoF '98!

****

Bizuki: When?

****

Shingo: You could argue that it was a side match, facing me if you got enough perfects within the first three matches. But I'd like to think otherwise!

****

Bizuki: That connection is laughably tenuous.

****

Shingo: No it's not! **;_;**

Bizuki: Yes it is. Admit it.

****

Shingo: Okay, I admit it! I'm not really a boss! I'm just here because everyone else is annoyed by my presence!! So what if I've got Kyo posters, Kyo figures, Kyo collecter's gloves, Kyo outfits, Kyo bedsheets, Kyo furniture, follow the Kyo Diet (no carbs! or something), and own a 1/1 scale fully functional Kyo Gundam!?? **_WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LIKE ME????_**

Bizuki: O_O

****

Shingo: Go ahead! MAKE FUN OF ME!

****

Bizuki: I'm just...

****

Shingo: I hate my life.

****

Bizuki: I'm going to suspend my disbelief at the fact that you've brought your Kyo fanboyism too far and ask you: just how'd you manage it?

****

Shingo: ... Huh?

****

Bizuki: You made a Kyo Gundam- how'd you do that?

****

Shingo: Oh! ^_^ Specs are right here!

****

Poppy: Before I am bored out of my mind, I'll leave you two Gundam buffs alone. [trots away]

****

Mamahaha: Hey, wait for me!

****

Bizuki: I don't believe it. You've got the outer hull down right to Kyo's old pre-'99 headband... I'm not going to ask how you devised the whole thing, but just how did you even get the money for all of this?

****

Shingo: Kula's a friend of mine.

****

Bizuki: Kula Diamond? So you're getting money off of NESTS?

****

Shingo: They're called SVC (thats SNK, Value, and Convenience), but not really. Kula also gets a huge amount of money from her fandom for being the classic uber-cutie of the series. And she's got an enormous number of them! Unlike poor Shingo Yabuki, (**;_;**) who's always being made fun of-

****

Kula: YARRRRRRR!!!!

****

Bizuki: [jumps back] Eeep!

****

Kula: _MAKE FUN OF SHINGO, WILL YOU!?_

****

Bizuki: No, I'm-

****

Shingo: She's just-

****

Kula: Hey, **_Adel!_**

Adel: Buh-huh!!?

__

Adel Bernstein, in surprise, jumps out of his chair.

****

Kula: Someone's making fun of Shingo!

****

Adel: AGAIN!? Why can't you guys take your sarcasm and bring it to a slackbastard like K'!?

__

At SNK HQ Gate..

****

K': Achoo! [snaps awake] Someone was talking about me. Pssh, whatever. ZzzzzZZZZzzzz....

****

?????: ... Whew. That was close.

__

Hiding behind an extremely thin stop sign, a large hulking creature of metal stalks into the building...

Back to Bizuki!

****

Bizuki: _ _ I can explain-

****

Shingo: _ She can explain-

****

Adel: Hey, Zankuro! Some idiot's making fun of Shingo!

__

The towering Zankuro Minazuki strides over to the scene. He brandishes the Masamune.

****

Zankuro: Who shall I have to crush, now?

****

Bizuki: Oh dear...

****

Zankuro: Because no one makes fun of the coffee-maker!

****

Bizuki: Huh?

****

Shingo: XD I make good coffee-

****

Zankuro: Come, Shinnosuke! We have a maggot to crush!

****

Bizuki: Crap!

****

Kagami: Err... What?

****

Zankuro: Sigh... There is another who dares make fun of the coffee-maker!

****

Kagami: [takes out sword] This actually never gets old. Gives me a reason to burninate people...

****

Bizuki: With your orange juice- I mean flames? [snicker]

****

Kagami: That earned you a quicker grave, smartass.

****

Bizuki: I definitely fear your citrus powers, Kagami.

****

Bonus-Kun: [sproings into action] It is I, Bonus-Kun! What seems to be the problem!?

****

Kagami: [points to Bizuki] She insulted Shingo.

****

Bizuki: What! No I-

****

Bonus-Kun: Then it is up to Bonus-Kun to rectify this problem!

****

Gaoh: What's going on?

****

Bizuki: Ack!

**__**

We interrupt Bizuki's possible slaughter-

Bizuki: HEY!

**__**

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****

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****

Zhang Fei: [is restrained to a chair] Jeebus, no! Whatever they've told you, I'm not gay, and we're not related! Lemme go!

****

Zhang He: Oh, you big silly. Don't worry, I'll help you tap into that little girl in your heart you've always wanted to be!

****

Zhang Fei: _AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!_

Order now from SVC (that's SNK, Value, and Convenience you bastages), the company formerly known as NESTs! Check your newest SVC catalogue for details.

****

We now return you to your scheduled programming.

Back to Bizuki. As we return to the scene, we find that Bizuki and Shingo are surrounded by nearly all of the SNK bosses both past and present. Shingo is having no luck trying to convince them that she did nothing to offend him, not to mention trying to convince them not to beat the crap out of her. Finally, another woman steps in...

****

Chizuru: ALL OF YOU, QUIET!!!!!!!!!!

****

Zankuro: Ack! Chizuru!

****

Bizuki: Whew! To the rescue as always, Chizuru.

****

Kagami: Whoops. Exit, stage right for me...

****

Kula: Can't you see we're trying to _edjumicate_ someone, Ms. Kagura?

****

Chizuru: Education in the form of mob violence? I think not.

****

Kula: But she insulted Shingo! She must pay! [does the big eyes thing] Pleaaaaase?

__

Nobody can resist when Kula's eyes become this huge and this dilated. Nobody, that is, except for Chizuru Kagura.

****

Chizuru: No. Look, Bizuki's my friend. Anything she may've said was in jest, I'm sure. Bizuki?

****

Bizuki: I never said anything derogatory about him at all!

****

Shingo: She's right! She even complimented my Kyo Gundam!

__

Shingo shows off the design of the Kyo Gundam. There is a speech bubble next to it saying, "**KORE GA... KUSANAGI NO KENDA!!**" Chizuru sweatdrops.

****

Chizuru: Ehm. Right.

****

Kula: Fine. You get off this time. -_-

****

Bizuki: Whew. I was nearly done for. 

****

Chizuru: Bizuki! I'm glad you came, for once!

__

As said before, Chizuru Kagura, of the Yata clan (one of the three clans that seal Orochi), two-time host of the King of Fighters tournaments ('96 and 2003) and Shintoist priestess extraordinaire, was Bizuki's best friend. A steadfast and refined woman, Bizuki looked up to her.

****

Bizuki: Chizuru! [does the secret handshake]

__

Odd. I don't have a description for that.

****

Bizuki: Then it wouldn't be a secret handshake. Keyword, **SECRET**.

__

... I see your point.

****

Bizuki: ^_^ I actually didn't know about this place until Poppy told me!

****

Chizuru: Wha...? Kusanagi never told you?

****

Bizuki: Kyo Kusanagi? I never knew he was a messenger boy-

****

Chizuru: No, I meant, the evil Kyo image I created, Kusanagi.

****

Bizuki: Ohhhh! Kusanagi...

****

Chizuru: Ooh, I'm going to teach him a lesson-

****

Kula: Can I come?

****

Chizuru: **_No_**.

****

Kula: Aww... ='(

****

Chizuru: Anyways, since you're here, let me introduce you to my associates/companions/friends/drinking buddies/posse/partners in crime!

__

Bizuki (with Shingo and Kula trailing behind her) follow Chizuru to a table populated by two women and an extremely easy-to-recognize red-haired man...

****

Chizuru: Bizuki, meet Yumeji Kurokochi!

****

Yumeji: Nice to meet you.

****

Bizuki: Same to you! How is work under Gaoh?

****

Yumeji: Not bad. I was originally supposed to work for Ambrosia, but...

__

Flashback! Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo...

Aren't you getting tired of these sound effects?

Yes?

Too bad.

We find Yumeji standing in front of the portal to Makai.

****

Yumeji: This is the place? Not exactly pleasant, but... Wahh!

__

A hand drags her into it! Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo...

Whoa. A swirl inside a swirl! Who woulda thunk?

****

Yumeji: @_@ Oh, my head...

****

Earthquake: Why hello there!

****

Yumeji: My God! Earthquake!?

__

It's the humongous, flatulent, larger(literally)-than-life Earthquake. Except he's not wearing face-paint (making his face look oddly like that of a baby's), and is wearing an XXXXXL-sized tux. 

****

Earthquake: Oh, please, call me Jimbobson.

****

Yumeji: ... o_o Jimbobson!?

****

Earthquake: Oh, and hey, be careful about saying the "G" word around here, eh? Ambrosia gets cranky when you say it around her.

****

Yumeji: I'll keep it in mind. I'm here to fill a-

__

Suddenly, the ultra-evil villain of Samurai Showdown, Ambrosia herself, swoops onto the scene.

****

Ambrosia: Ohho!, what's this? A new soul to devour!? **_Bwahahahahaha!_**

Yumeji: Err...

****

Earthquake: No, ma'am. She's a new applicant.

****

Ambrosia: Is that true? In that case, Amakusa! Come over here!

****

Amakusa: Yes, my lord-

****

Ambrosia: Amakusa, you nincompoop! [smack] That's "lady"!

****

Amakusa: Ow! Ow, ow, owie! Curses!

****

Ambrosia: _WHAT!_

****

Amakusa: Eeep! Nothing!

****

Ambrosia: That's what I thought. Now, what it is it you can do for us, Miss...?

****

Yumeji: Kurokochi Yumeji. And I can do... This! 

__

Yumeji throws an apple and begins slicing it into several pieces with blinding speed, ala Ukyo. Amakusa shakes his head.

****

Amakusa: I'm sorry, the forces of darkness are TOO GOOD for those that are simple copycats.

****

Yumeji: Oh, I'm not just any copycat... Anna Mutsube!

__

Yumeji demonstrates her ability to morph into other Samurai Showdown characters and make use of their moves. Specifically, she makes use of Nakoruru's sliding sword-slash attack. Earthquake, Ambrosia, and Amakusa applaud her for this.

****

Amakusa: Bravo, bravo!

****

Yumeji: Thanks.

****

Amakusa: And where exactly did you learn all of these skills?

****

Yumeji: The mentor of Tachibana Ukyo is my father... As for my ability to morph into others...

__

Flashba-

What? Too many flashbacks?

A flashback inside a flashback is too much?

Stop with the flashbacks?

Nonsense! Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo...

Yumeji is inside a crypt. She appears to be wearing a gi, and right next to her is... SHANG TSUNG!? And they're watching...

****

Gaira: _One! Two! One! Two!_

****

High-Pitched Female Voice: _Up! Down! Up! Down! Up! Down! Up! Down! Beautiful~~! Let's diet! Okay!_

****

Shang Tsung: With feeling Yumeji!

****

Yumeji: Up! Down! Up! Down! Geeze...!

__

Returning to Yumeji...

****

Amakusa: Everything seems to be in order.

****

Yumeji: So I get the job!

****

Amakusa: One last thing. Can you do...

****

Yumeji: Yes?

****

Amakusa: ..._This_???

****

Yumeji: What the...?

****

Amakusa: Hit it, Gen-an!

****

Gen-an: KOROSU!!!! [switches on a record player] [the Tequila song starts playing]

****

Yumeji: WTF!!!??!???

__

Amakusa, Gen-an, Earthquake, and Ambrosia begin doing the Pee Wee Herman dance!!!!

****

Record Player: [dun doo-doo duh-duh doo-doo duh, doo-doo duh-duh duh duh duh, duh-duh-duh-DUH]

****

The Forces of Darkness: _TEQUILA!_

****

Record Player: [dun doo-doo duh-duh doo-doo duh, doo-doo duh-duh duh-duh-duh, duh, duh, duh, DUH]

****

The Forces of Darkness: _TEQUILA!_

****

Record Player: [dun doo-doo duh-duh doo-doo duh, doo-doo duh-duh duh-duh-duh, duh, duh, duh, DUH]

****

The Forces of Darkness: _TEQUILA!_

****

Record Player: [dun doo-doo duh-duh doo-doo duh, doo-doo duh-duh duh-duh-duh, duh, duh, duh, DUH]

****

The Forces of Darkness: _TEQUILA!_

****

Amakusa: Can you do that?? Hey... Where'd she go?

__

Yumeji had already snuck into the portal, back to earth, and was running for her life, never turning back.

We now return to Yumeji... Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo...

****

Bizuki: O_O

****

Yumeji: And that's why I decided not to work for Amakusa, Ambrosia, or whoever.

****

Chizuru: Wonderful story, Yumeji.

****

Bizuki: But it was a bit long, wasn't it?

****

Yumeji: Hey, you asked.

****

Bizuki: No I didn't.

****

Yumeji: ... Point.

****

Chizuru: Anyways, you've already met Shingo Yabuki and Kula Diamond!

****

Shingo: 'ello.

****

Kula: Hiya! ^_^

****

Bizuki: [nods]

****

Chizuru: This is Hazuki Kazama.

****

Hazuki: Hi!

****

Bizuki: Hello! Aren't you Kazuki's sister?

****

Hazuki: And you're Rashoujin Bizuki, the first female videogame boss in a fighting game!

****

Bizuki: Wow. You know your stuff. But hey, what're you doing in the boss lounge?

****

Hazuki: Well... I appear as the maiden whose life-force is being used to power up Zankuro in the last stage of Samurai Showdown IV.

****

Bizuki: That connection is laughably tenu- [sees Shingo telling her to cut that statement off, while Kula growls] is... laughably relevant! Yup!

****

Hazuki: Thank you! I have trouble convincing Kazuki that.

__

Shoot to Kazuki at the lowest lobby, being held back by his brother Sougetsu.

****

Kazuki: Hazuki, NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

****

Sougetsu: ARGH! KAZUKI, YOU _DUMBASS!!!_

Back to Bizuki.

****

Chizuru: And this... is Iori Yagami.

****

Iori: Meh. You've got a knack of picking the wrong people to hang out with, Kagura.

****

Bizuki: That, of course, includes YOU, Mr. Yagami. And nice to meet you, too...

****

Chizuru: She has you there, Iori.

****

Iori: Bah!

__

Meanwhile... Outside SNK HQ...

****

Geese: _AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-_ [lands on his feet] Hehehe... They don't call me the "Immortal Geese Howard" for nothing... Hey, it's...

****

Yuki Enterprises Developer 1: Is this the place?

****

Yuki Enterprises Developer 2: SNK HQ, it says so right there, idiot.

****

Yuki Dev. 1: You know what? Hush.

****

Yuki Dev. 2: You go in first.

****

Yuki Dev. 1: [suspicious] Why?

****

Yuki Dev. 2: Because I've been here before, and it's insane around here. I'd rather you go first instead of-

****

Geese: Hello there! I assume you are from Yuki?

****

Yuki Dev. 1: Oh, hi there! We are, yes. Me and my associate were just about to go in.

****

Yuki Dev. 2: [looks around] You're keeping Kusaregedo under lock and key, right?

****

Geese: ... Yes. [coughnotcough]

****

Yuki Dev. 1: What was that?

****

Geese: Nothing, nothing at all. [flashes the trademark Howard smile] Please, come in...

__

On the other side of the street... Hiding behind the PAO PAO CAFE JAPAN...

****

?????: TARGETS_SPOTTED. UNITS_STANDING_BY...

__

WHAT IS THAT THING THAT MANAGED TO SNEAK PAST K'?! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE THAT APPEAR TO BE PLOTTING AGAINST SNK!??? AND WHAT DO THESE MYSTERIOUS PEOPLE INTEND TO DO???? WHATEVER THEIR SINISTER PLANS ARE, WILL BIZUKI AND THE OTHERS BE ABLE TO STOP THEM? OR WILL THESE ENIGMAS SUCCEED?? NEXT TIME, ON RASHOUJIN CHRONICLES!!!!

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

End of Chapter 3.

Author's Notes: YES! Chapter 3 is finished! Please Read/Review, everyone!


	4. Bizuki and the first intermission

****

The RASHOUJIN Chronicles

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. All characters from Samurai Showdown, Fatal Fury, Art of Fighting, and King of Fighters are owned by SNK. All company names, brands, characters, etc. belong to their respective owners, etcetera...

****

Chapter IV.

Bizuki and the first intermission

__

...

...

...

  
...

I bet you all are wondering...

"WTF!?!?? AN INTERMISSION??? AFTER JUST THE THIRD CHAPTER!???? THE HELL!"

Well, I just want to take some time to step away from all these SNK in-jokes. I believe an intermission from the main storyline is the best way to go about that. What's that? "Then don't DO in-jokes in the main storyline?" You know what, screw you!

Wait! I was just kidding! Please keep reading. **;_;**

...

...

...

...

NOW PRESENTING...

SNK HQ'S STAND-UP COMEDY NIGHT!

FIRST UP...!

IORI YAGAMI!

Polite applause from the audience, as Iori comes onto the stage. He clears his throat, then glares viciously at everyone. Then he begins.

****

Iori: Okay, so this old man walks up to me and asks, "What's the time, young man?"

****

Iori: I figure he's sixty or so.

****

Iori: Not a long time to live.

****

Iori: So I say, "GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" and tear the guy to shreds! First I clawed him to death, then ripped out his heart, then crushed his spine, then blew him up with purple flames! Ha!

****

Iori: Hahahahaha...

****

Iori: HAHAHAHA...

****

Iori:**_ BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_**

Iori: What the... Laugh, damn it!

__

The whole room is silent, just gaping at Iori.

****

Kula: BOO!!!!

Sogetsu: YOU SUCK!

****

Setsuna: Get the fu** off the stage!

****

Tam Tam: Tam Tam not impressed...

****

Kyo: Jokes are as bad as ever, eh Yagami!

****

Orochi Iori: _KYOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!_

****

Kyo: Ah, sh**!

__

THE ROOM'S EXPLODED IN PURPLE FLAMES!!!!! IORI'S GONE MAD!!!!!!

****

BZZRT! BZZT! [The image displays a message that says, "Experiencing Technical Difficulties"...]

We're back! Sorry about that, folks...

The room has returned to it's previous state. We see a glimpse of Iori bound in a straight jacket and being hauled off by Raiden.

NEXT UP! BIZUKI!

Bizuki: [runs up onto the stage] Hi, everybody!

__

Crickets. Bizuki gets nervous.

****

Bizuki: Oookay... So...

****

Bizuki: There's this man from Argentina.

__

Still more crickets.

****

Bizuki: And... And he-

Haohmaru: Who the hell are you?

__

This, coming from the main character of Samurai Showdown!

****

Bizuki: That TEARS IT! **_PINBALL ATTACK!_**

BIZUKI'S GONE MAD!!!!!!! HIT THE DECK!!!!!!!!

****

BZZRT! BZZT! [The image displays a message that says, "Experiencing Technical Difficulties"...]

We're back! I hope. That won't happen again, folks.

Bizuki is [slowly and barely] being dragged away by the combined might of Raiden, Billy Kane, Fernandez, Grant, the Metal Slug team, and Naoe Shingen.

****

NEXT UP! 

Gaira appears from the curtains!

****

Gaira: One! Two! One! Two!

****

Nicotine: Gaira! Bad Buddhist! This isn't the SVC (SNK, Value, Convenience goshdarnit) office!

****

Gaira: Oh, fo shizzle? [leaves]

__

I give up...

NEXT UP! JOE HIGASHI!

Joe Higashi leaps out of the curtains.

****

Joe: YOUSHA!

****

Terry: Hey! Come on, come on!

****

Joe: So a guy walks into a bar!

****

Joe: Then he says, "ouch!"

__

Laughter! My God, I think this is actually working!

****

Joe: Old Man Tung, man, that guy's a slave-driver. One time, I had to go looking for a part-time job...

****

Joe: He tells me, "I've got an opening for a guy selling pizza", so I immediately go for it.

****

Joe: Too bad for me, he neglected to mention the fact that the pizza stand was out in a desert!

__

Chuckles from the crowd! I'm not a complete failure! Yes!!

****

Joe: So it's no surprise that there are absolutely no customers coming by.

****

Joe: I bring this up with Old Man Tung, and he tells me, "You-a must-a be-a covert! They must not see you! And you-a have to yell out-a, at the top-a of your lungs! PIZZA!"

****

Joe: So here I am, borrowing one of Andy's ninja outfits... Not exactly covert, I mean what kind of ninja wears blazers like these?!?

__

Several guffaws break out.

****

Joe: A car passes by...

****

Joe: And I yell, PIZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

__

THE CROWD'S ON IT'S FEET!! YES~! YES~~!!!!!

****

Slash: Woo!

****

Kazuki: You da man!

****

Joe: Thank you! And here's one for one of my fans.

__

Joe performs his taunt, pulling down his shorts. WAIT, PULLING DOWN HIS SHORTS!!!! **NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!**

Slash: WHAT THE!

****

Kazuki: **_WHAT THE **CK!_**

Chizuru: **_JEEBUS!!!!_**

Billy: AIIEEEE!!! IT'S BURNING THROUGH ME EYES!!!! **ME EYES!!!!!!!**

All of SNK: _GET HIM!!!!_

****

Joe: Meep!

**__**

BZZRT! BZZT! [The image displays a message that says, "Experiencing Technical Difficulties"...] Except this time, Joe's screaming can be heard.

[sob! sniff!] I'm a failure! A FAILURE!!!!! WAHHHH!!!!!!!!! [runs away]

****

Bizuki: Crap, the author's useless now.

****

Chizuru: Whoa. How'd you get back so quickly?

****

Bizuki: Hush. I think it's time to divert the readers' attention AWAY from this mess!

**__**

****************DATING ADVICE WITH HEERO YUY  


Heero: Man, I'm beginning to love this gig.

****

Kid: Right. Anyways, dad, it seems we have a guest. Bandai said it'd be a secret, he should be arriving right about... Now.

****

Zechs Marquise, AKA Milliardo Peacecraft, AKA The Lightning Count, AKA Preventer Wind: **_HEERO YUY!!!!!_**

Heero: Oh sh**!

****

Zechs: You asshole!

****

Heero: What the fu** are you doing here? Is this Bandai's twisted as hell joke!!

****

Zechs: Cussing in front of your son! And you're STILL threatening my sister!

****

Heero: Geeze, Zechs, you say that as if it were serious-

****

Zechs: DIE!!!!!!!

****

Relena: _MILLIARDO!!!!_ What are you doing!!!!

****

Zechs: Yipe! Relena!

****

Relena: [fuming] WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT INTERFERING WITH US!

****

Zechs: But Relena, I'm just-

****

Relena: But nothing!

****

Zechs: Relena, you- YUY, DON'T RUN!

__

Too late- Heero jumps out the window! He lands with a crash onto the street outside.

****

Relena: HEERO!!!

****

Zechs: He's not dead!**_ HE NEVER DIES!_**

****

Heero: [knows he's found out] Nuts. [runs for it]

****

Zechs: YOU WON'T GET AWAY!!!!

****

Relena: MILLIARDO, COME BACK HERE!!!

****

Kid: [thinking to himself] _I'm not related, I'm not related, I'm not related_...

**__**

****************THIS HAS BEEN DATING ADVICE WITH HEERO YUY

And we're at the end of this intermission. Thanks for reading!

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

End of Chapter 4.

Author's Note: We're going to go ALL! THE! WAY! R/R, please! 


	5. Bizuki and the Pleasant And NotSo Pleasa...

****

The RASHOUJIN Chronicles

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. All characters from Samurai Showdown, Fatal Fury, Art of Fighting, and King of Fighters are owned by SNK. All company names, brands, characters, etc. belong to their respective owners, etcetera...

****

Chapter V.

Bizuki and the Pleasant (And Not-So Pleasant) Surprise

_   
  
..._

A short interlude by, Slayer of Guilty Gear fame.

Slayer bows deeply, and clears his throat and steps onto the stage of his personal cafe, Eien no Tsubasa. This place is famous for Slayer's...

****

Slayer: I welcome all of you to... Haiku Night.

****

Slayer: My thanks to all those that have shown up.

****

Slayer: To those that haven't, mou. Sukoshi fumikonda hou ga ii!

****

Slayer: Today, I shall be reciting poems that have inspired me recently. I do hope you enjoy them.

****

Slayer: Ah, I don't care, go ahead and relax.

****

ON GAOGAIGAR:

Yuusha, Gaogaigar

Hero and King of Braves

Defender of Earth

__

The audience begins snapping their fingers.

****

Slayer: Again, my thanks.

****

ON DETECTIVE CONAN:

Meitantei Conan

He is such a puzzling boy

Such tenacity

But for one so determined

The truth will prevail

__

More finger-snapping. There's even someone clicking his tongue.

****

Slayer: My audience is too kind. My thanks.

****

ON KAZUKI and SOUGETSU:

Fire and water

Opposites of each other

But no truer friends

Are there than these unalikes

Fire and water

__

Even more finger-snapping. And with that are the two subjects of the haiku, sitting at a table...

****

Kazuki: sniff Sougetsu, I love you man!

****

Sougetsu: Okay, okay, Kazuki, get off me dude.

****

Slayer: Touching.

****

ON KUNOICHI of SAMURAI WARRIORS:

Poor woman, poor girl

Kunoichi and Sanada

One is a hero

The other exemplifies

What is bothersome

__

Accompanying the audience's finger-snapping is Kunoichi herself, whose usually overly cheerful demeanor has suddenly diminshed to an indignant frown.

****

Slayer: I jest, miss Kunoichi. Appreciate a little bit of ribbing from an old man?

****

ON NEWBIES of FFXI:

One piece of advice

If you are falling behind

Level your sub job

__

Even Kunoichi had to join the crowd, who roared with laughter.

****

Slayer: That is all for today. Thank you for coming to Eien no Tsubasa's haiku night. Goodbye!

__

Returning to the story at hand...

****

Bizuki: It was very nice meeting you all, but I'd like to eat before my early break ends.

****

Chizuru: Oh, that's right. They're serving lunch over there.

__

Chizuru points towards it. Unfortunately, there is an enormous line.

****

Bizuki: Jeeze! It's not even officially lunch yet, ten minutes from now.

__

Bizuki sighs dejectedly.

****

Bizuki: Do they get out early, or something?

****

Chizuru: Actually, they don't work.

****

Bizuki: HUH!?

****

Iori: Yeah, a lot of these lazy bastards, like Oboro there-

****

Oboro's Amazon: I hate this job...

****

Oboro: is getting massaged Oh yeah... Right there...

****

Iori: That don't work, since they're used for one game only. Of course, Oboro doesn't mind, lazy bastard that he is. But then we have people like Kouryu, over there...

****

Kouryu: They need another Last Blade game...

****

Zankuro: How many times have you said that? Give up, it's been years, and the story ended on a good note.

****

Kouryu: You can't say a damn thing, you like retirement. Hey, is that not Geese's secretary!?

****

Zankuro: She _does_ look familiar... Can't quite place it...

__

Bizuki sighs inwardly.

****

Kouryu: Wait one moment, miss...

****

Bizuki: I'm off of work, so you'll have to bring it up with Geese later.

****

Kouryu: Damnation!

__

Bizuki leaves a dejected Kouryu to arrive at the lunch counter (after thirty minutes of tiresome waiting), and is surprised to see...

****

Bizuki: Oh... Hey...! Aren't you Maxima!? And what are you doing here, you-

****

Maxima: Yeah. I'm not a boss. Whatever.

****

Bizuki: So explain...

****

Maxima: What does it look like, woman!? I'm giving people their sandwiches!

****

Krauser: Mein gott, what is it with you!? Can you pack _ANY_ SLOWER!?

****

Maxima: Hold your horses! Freaking sandwich nazi.

****

Krauser: I hope you weren't implying anything about my nationality.

****

Maxima: Fine, here. _Here_.

__

He shoves Krauser his hastily wrapped sandwich. Krauser looks thoroughly insulted, but decides not to throw a Kaiser Wave in Maxima's direction, merely walking away.

****

Bizuki: Can I have some gourmet cookies?

****

Maxima: Erhm... Sh!

****

Bizuki: Huh?

****

Maxima: Nothing.

__

After seeing Maxima do nothing for the next few minutes, Bizuki gets a little miffed.

****

Bizuki: Well!?

****

Maxima: Can you save me the embarassment!?

__

Bizuki, not understanding, becomes more tempermental.

****

Bizuki: But I really want my cookies!

****

Maxima: No!

****

Bizuki: You're refusing service to me? I know you have cookies!

__

Bizuki begins tapping her foot. Maxima doesn't budge. Then her hand hovers around her weapon dangerously.

****

Bizuki: Give me **_cookies_**!!!

****

Iori: Hey! Give her the damn cookies, man!

****

Maxima: I- You- Sheesh, whatever...

__

Maxima's chest opens.

****

Bizuki: Oh my goodness! You're... You're....

__

... Revealing an assortment of desserts, from cupcakes to chocolates to Bizuki's prized gourmet cookies.

****

Maxima: Yeah, I'm a fricking vending machine. Just... Just make it quick.

****

Bizuki: Hehe... Hahahaha... You've... You've got a...

__

Bizuki clutches herself with mirth.

****

Bizuki: You've got a coin slot! Right there, in your shoulder! Hahahahaha!

****

Maxima: HURRY THE HELL UP!

__

Maxima mutters something about not pissing Kula off, EVER...

****

Bizuki: Okay... Haha...

__

Bizuki thinks for a moment.

****

Bizuki: Hey, do you guys have cold-cut sandwiches?

__

Maxima slaps his forehead. He suddenly reveals another compartment on his chest.

****

Bizuki: Oh, hey, a fridge-

****

Maxima: I hate you.

__

Bizuki giggles as she slides four quarters into Maxima's slot. Meanwhile, on another floor of the building... In an almost completely dark hallway...

****

Neinhalt Sieger: You ever get the feeling we're being watched?

****

Tachibana Ukyo: ... ...

__

Ukyo merely responds by coughing out blood.

****

Sieger: Sheesh. Forget I asked.

__

There is a sudden rustling noise.

****

Sieger: Didn't I tell you we were being watched? Who's there- AH!

__

He is barely able to dodge a strange bolt of lightning coming his way.

****

Sieger: What in the hell! Ukyo, get to security! **_DAAAAH!_**

Sieger manages to deflect another bolt with his enormous metal gauntlet. When he looks in Ukyo's direction, he sees that he isn't there, and is actually running towards the darkness where the lightning bolts are coming from...

****

Ukyo: ... Go... I'll catch up...

****

Sieger: Hmph, alright. I'll see you, then!

__

Sieger runs for it, as strafes to avoid more bolts of lightning. Ukyo draws his sword and prepares to strike...

Back to Bizuki.

Chizuru glances towards the clock.

****

Chizuru: Oh, Bizuki! The meeting with Yuki Enterprises is going to start soon!

__

Bizuki spits out her mineral water.

****

Bizuki: Craaaap! I don't know where to go from here!

****

Chizuru: Don't worry, I do. Follow me.

****

Yumeji: I must come with you, too.

****

Hazuki: Thanks for keeping us company!

****

Iori: Meh...

__

Kula and Shingo wave goodbye.

****

Bizuki: Very nice people.

****

Chizuru: You just described Iori Yagami as NICE!

****

Bizuki: He has a much better manner than someone like, say-

****

Yumeji: You speak of Fernandeath?

****

Bizuki: No, he was just creepy. I could've sworn that he was staring at me the whole time I was in there.

__

The three of them laugh as they head towards the meeting room, where Geese is having a bit of trouble dealing with the Samurai Showdown cast. All of them seem to have been informed of the newest Samurai Showdown project, Samurai Showdown V Special- again developed by Yuki Enterprises. One of the newer cast raises her hand.

****

Mina: Could you give me not so many USELESS MOVES, and I dunno, make it so I don't die in THREE HITS!?? I'd like that, really.

****

Geese: Tch, you could've ended up like Basara.

__

Basara hisses at him as he takes his seat. There are several lines of chairs, a good number of them already occupied.

****

Haohmaru: Heh, I'm still number one around here.

Haohmaru smiles at Yoshitora, who just scoffs.

****

Yoshitora: You just worry about getting too old, _guy_.

****

Haohmaru: And you just worry about making a reputation, _guy._

****

Charlotte: Why, Haohmaru, do you feel _threatened_ by this boy?

****

Haohmaru: Hell no. I've defeated Amakusa, some other person I've forgotten about-

__

Somewhere else, Bizuki sneezes. Chizuru hands her a napkin.

****

Haohmaru: -Zankuro, and Yuga. Who's this kid beaten? Some guy wearing a vest over Geese's outfit?

****

Gaoh: I take offense to that, sir. Shall we settle this in a gentlemanly manner?

__

Gaoh lifts his tri-point spear in a challenging manner.

****

Haohmaru: You seem like a more difficult opponent than this kid.

****

Yoshitora: Hey!

****

Haohmaru: So, why not?

__

Yumeji, Bizuki, and Chizuru arrive. Yumeji immediately takes hold of her sword and stands between Gaoh and Haohmaru.

****

Yumeji: Gaoh-sama! Allow **me** to handle this drunkard!

****

Haohmaru: Oi, this is a battle between men! Wait, you could be a man, you have Cagalli's voice-

****

Yumeji: That doesn't even make sense! But if it's a battle you want, then it's a battle you shall-

****

Nakoruru: There shouldn't be any battle at all! Haohmaru!

****

Charlotte: She's right, take this outside later.

****

Bizuki: Look, let's settle all of this information about the new Samurai Showdown game first.

****

Haohmaru: Who the heck are _you_?

__

Bizuki is about to smack Haohmaru before she thinks better of it, and just sits down, fuming quietly.

****

Geese: You guys done back there? Everything alright, Kagura?

__

Gaoh and Haohmaru look menacingly at each other before taking a seat.

****

Chizuru: There is no problem here.

__

Chizuru crosses her arms.

****

Chizuru: I won't be staying, unfortunately. Public Relations need me, I doubt Mikoto could handle everything.

****

Geese: Alright. If you see Bogard or anybody else...

****

Chizuru: I'll tell them you went back to your office, don't worry about it.

__

Bizuki suddenly has a mental image of Rock Howard racing Terry Bogard to the top using the stairs.

The room begins to fill up a bit more, until most everyone that has appeared in Samurai Showdown is present.

****

Geese: We seem to be missing a few people. Namely, Ukyo, Yuga, Sieger, Kusaregedo-

__

Half of the room shivers.

****

Geese: And Amakusa-

****

Amakusa: GEESE!

****

Geese: Nevermind... Sigh...

__

Amakusa arrives, literally sliding into the room, grabbing Geese's feet and sobbing madly, wildly begging for a part in SSVS. Geese tries to shake Amakusa off his foot. He is unsuccessful.

****

Amakusa: Hear it from a poor, pitiful fool, who simply wants to be accepted! Oh, do not dare to turn this poor creature away-

****

Geese: Amakusa...

****

Yumeji: This man is really taking self-pity to new heights.

****

Bizuki: You're new, so allow me to let you in on a little secret- the evil Shiro is a bullitting little bastage. He'll be acting his usual high-and-mighty self soon...

****

Yumeji: But he is one of those that really feel the urge for new work then, I take it?

****

Bizuki: Yeah, it's not surprising. I mean, even Kouryu is-

__

She is interrupted by Amakusa's rambling.

****

Amakusa: Oh, Amakusa! Spurned for his religion-

****

Geese: _Amakusa!_

****

Amakusa: -to fight and die valiantly against the Tokugawa-

****

Geese: **_Shiro!!_**

Amakusa: -surely the world cannot be so cruel to ye-

****

Geese: **_DOUBLE REPPU-KEN!_**

Amakusa: GWAAAAH!!!

__

Amakusa makes a crater in the wall as he is sent back by Geese's attack.

****

Amakusa: Strong... Too strong...

__

In some bullfighting arena in Spain, Laurence Blood sneezes. Unfortunately, this brief interruption causes him to lose a battle with the most powerful bull in all of Spain, and the bull, in a spectacular feat of strength, makes a reversal against Laurence by flinging him fifty feet in the air.

Back to Bizuki.

****

Geese: Sit down, you idiot! You'll be in this game, already!

__

There is some grumbling among the Samurai Showdown cast, which does nothing to overshadow Amakusa's glee.

****

Kazuki: Hey, say whaaat!?

****

Shiki: But he's annoying...

****

Amakusa: Hell yes! I, Amakusa Shiro Tokisada, greatest servant of Ambrosia-

****

Yumeji: Oo

****

Bizuki: What?

****

Yumeji: Isn't that ironic?

****

Bizuki: Amakusa's a whole bunch of ironies lumped together, it's hard to keep track.

****

Yumeji: He mentioned his religion. Isn't he historically Christian? But then he's a servant of Ambrosia...

****

Bizuki: That's to be expected from the epitome of stupid, arrogant blowhards. For example, he's the greatest servant of such a great selection of characters, like Gen-an and Earthquake... and Gen-an... Well, I guess there is Yuga...

****

Yumeji: What about you?

****

Bizuki: What about me? I've never really served that idiot Ambrosia for more than one game.

****

Amakusa: _Silence! Ye shall not speak of the great Ambrosia that way-_

****

Geese: REPPU-KEN!

****

Amakusa: GAH!

__

Everyone in the room cheers.

****

Charlotte: I still don't believe you're going to let Amakusa back in.

****

Geese: If you have a problem with the game, you can easily take it up with the Yuki developers, who might I add, can _ERASE YOU OUT OF IT_. Tread lightly.

****

Charlotte: Point taken.

__

Geese steps aside to let one of the Yuki Developers speak.

****

Yuki Developer: cough 

__

The developer from Yuki Enterprises watches everyone's eager faces.

****

Yuki Developer: First, allow me to state who is NOT going to be in the new Samurai Showdown V Special game...

__

At this point, Bizuki stops paying attention and begins reading a small book. Yumeji leans towards her to see what the title is: it is "Snakes and their Versatile Uses". Bizuki notices Yumeji hovering over her.

****

Bizuki: You don't seem as eager to be in SSVS.

****

Yumeji: I think my chances are unlikely.

****

Bizuki: Ah... Same here. After the last few games, I only bothered to listen and take notes for Geese.

__

The developer clears his throat.

****

Yuki Developer: Unfortunately, except for Haohmaru, none of the PS1 Warrior's Rage characters will be in.

__

Half of the room suddenly empties amidst angry muttering.

****

Shiki: There's still hope.

****

Asura: Yeah, maybe I won't be in as Yuda, but maybe I'll be in as-

****

Yuki Developer: Hanma, Shiki, Asura, Taisan, Gandara, Dekuina and Osu, as well as Yuga will be left out from the 64 games.

__

Hanma shakes a fist at the developer, while Taisan brainstorms a death threat in calligraphy. Asura merely sighs in defeat.

****

Asura: ... Damn. Better luck next time.

****

Geese: Asura, come here for a moment.

****

Asura: ?

__

They begin whispering.

****

Asura: What the... Neo Geo Battle Coli-?

__

Geese punches him.

****

Geese: Quiet, you idiot!

****

Yuki Developer: Earthquake, Gen-an, and Wan-Fu from the first game will not be in.

__

Earthquake snorts angrily, while Gen-an decides that the first thing he's going to do as he leaves this room, is to sharpen his claws. Wan-Fu creates a stone statue out of the developer, then promptly begins to break it in half with his fist.

The characters from Samurai Showdown 2, having been forgotten for so long, look on expectantly. Except for Nicotine, who is busy sleeping, and Kuroko, who is just waving flags around like a maniac.

****

Yuki Developer: Caffeine Nicotine and Neinhalt Sieger will not be in this game.

__

Nicotine does not stir, despite this. Sieger's seat remains empty, though the person next to it, Cham Cham, looks very excited.

****

Yuki Developer: Characters being removed from the old Samurai Showdown V- Yorozu Sankuro, Kurokochi Yumeji, and Poppy.

****

Mamahaha: HAHA!

****

Poppy: At least I was in a game, you stupid bird.

****

Mamahaha: Meh.

****

Yumeji: I told you.

****

Bizuki: Yeah... Sorry...

****

Yumeji: As I said, I expected nothing.

****

Yuki Developer: The rest of the characters from SSV will remain.

****

Gaoh: Hmm... Does that mean...

****

Haohmaru: Don't keep your hopes up, _guy_.

****

Yoshitora: You know what, Gaoh? I'll kick this guy's ass for you.

****

Yuki Developer: Now for people being added! Cham Cham will be in...

__

Cham Cham cheers.

****

Yuki Developer: As a cameo every time Tam Tam performs his Zetsumei Ougi, the new fatalities of SSVS.

****

Cham Cham: Whaaaat!?

****

Yuki Developer: Better than nothing, I always say.

****

Cham Cham: Cham Cham thinks this is an outrage!

****

Yuki Developer: Well, if you want, we could always remo-

****

Cham Cham: Oh no, nevermind, Cham Cham approves of this job.

****

Yuki Developer: Kuroko and his other stagehands will be a prominent part of one of the game's stage backgrounds.

****

Kuroko in Flag Signal Language: Nothing like getting my old job back!

****

Yuki Developer: There will be four bosses from previous Samurai Showdowns in SSVS, all of them selectable.

__

There is a commotion among the Samurai Showdown cast.

****

Galford: I'm trying to think here...

****

Poppy: Shocking.

****

Haohmaru: Four bosses from the previous Samurai Showdowns...

****

Yuki Developer: The first will be... Amakusa Shiro Tokisada!

****

Charlotte: Hmmm... The dev just said Amakusa... Logically, the next person would be-

****

Amakusa: Was there ever any doubt that I would be picked for such an honor?

__

Charlotte glares irritably at Amakusa.

****

Charlotte: Mind shutting up!??

****

Amakusa: You can't tell me what to do!

__

Suddenly, Amakusa gasps.

****

Amakusa: This is a scandal! I've been shoved into the mid-boss position, yet again!

****

Yuki Developer: Yawn...

__

Amakusa decides not to risk pissing off the developer, but turns away and keeps his anger to himself.

****

Yuki Developer: Next is... Minazuki Zankuro!

****

Zankuro: Well!... This is unexpected.

****

Shizumaru: That's it? Where's your enthusiasm?

****

Zankuro: I actually don't feel like being summoned out of retirement... But I will admit this seems interesting.

****

Shizumaru: So, if you're going to be in it, that only leaves...

****

Yuki Developer: Third... Kyougoku Gaoh Hinowanokami!

****

Gaoh: I thank for this. But this makes no sense- I am the last person, right?

****

Yuki Developer: Wrong.

****

Yumeji: But Gaoh-sama is right, there isn't- Wait...

__

Yumeji suddenly stares at Bizuki. Not only her... All eyes are on Bizuki now.

****

Haohmaru: I'm starting to remember who she is...

****

Charlotte: As am I...

****

Galford: It's her! When did she come in here!? She must've used that evil magic of her's to get in here!

****

Poppy: You mean, you never saw her? I mean... SHE WAS ONE OF THE FIRST ONES TO- You know what? I don't know you anymore.

****

Mamahaha: Hahahaha!

****

Nakoruru: I know exactly who and what she is! She's a demon of Ambrosia!

****

Mamahaha: Poppy!

****

Poppy: What?

****

Mamahaha: Keep Galford away from Nakoruru. She's catching his stupid.

****

Poppy: Screw off.

****

Bizuki: ... Huh?

__

Bizuki looks up to see more than two dozen pairs of eyes looking at her.

****

Tam Tam: Now that Tam Tam think of it...

****

Charlotte: You're-

****

Yuki Developer: The final character to be added to SSVS, the boss of SS2, Bizuki as Rashoujin Mizuki!

__

Bizuki looked slack-jawed at the developer, then at Geese, who had finished talking with Asura and was grinning at her.

****

Charlotte: You...

****

Haohmaru: Have...

****

Bizuki: **_GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! REALLY!!!???_**

Geese: Nope.

****

Bizuki: So that's what you were talking about!

****

Geese: Yep.

****

Bizuki: I don't believe this! You aren't joking around with me?

****

Yuki Developer: This may be the face of a person who crushes peoples' hopes-

__

Everyone who wasn't included in the game was now seething at the developer.

****

Yuki Developer: But I'm no liar.

****

Bizuki: W00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

__

Bizuki starts doing a silly victory dance, involving her waving her stick around with extreme prejudice and waving her arms around like a silly schoolgirl in circles. She drags Yumeji into her jubilation.

****

Bizuki: _Go Bizuki! Go Bizuki! You rock! You rock!_

****

Yumeji: Ugh... Miss Bizuki... Please stop... I'm getting dizzy...

****

Geese: Bizuki! Stop this instant or I shall smack you like Amakusa!

__

Geese was kidding, but Amakusa looked offended.

****

Amakusa: What kind of foolishness is this! I should be there, not her!

****

Zankuro: And what am I, Shiro? Chopped liver?

****

Gaoh: I certainly do not mind.

****

Haohmaru: Argh... It's become clear now.

****

Charlotte: Surprising for a drunkard like you.

****

Haohmaru: Shush! But seriously, the damn pinball!

****

Bizuki: Do I get to keep that move!?

****

Geese: Does she?

****

Yuki Developer: Yep!

****

Bizuki: YES!

__

The cast collectively groans, finally remembering who she is.

****

Bizuki: Do I get a new sprite?

****

Yuki Developer: Yes.

****

Bizuki: Does Haon get to come with me?

****

Yuki Developer: Yes.

****

Poppy: Ack.

****

Bizuki: Do I get to kick Amakusa's cocky ass?

****

Amakusa: Hey!

****

Yuki Developer: Yes.

****

Bizuki: Am I playable?

****

Yuki Developer: I think I said that.

****

Bizuki: Do I get a raise?

****

Yuki Developer: Ye- I mean...

****

Bizuki: I'm _kidding_. XD

****

Geese: Actually, yes she does.

****

Bizuki: Whee!

****

Haohmaru: Damn it. I haven't gotten a raise since the last company crossover.

****

Bizuki: Oh, and do I totally rock?

****

Yuki Developer: Not too many questions-

__

Bizuki's moment of triumph is then interrupted as the building begins to quake violently!

****

Geese: Wh-What is this!?

****

Bizuki: Ack! What's going on!?

Author's Note: Time for the villains of this story to act.

It took me a while to write this, sorry... But it finally came. Not as much humor as I'd liked. But please R/R anyway, for better or for worse!


End file.
